- Written by David Steinberg, Phd, LCSW
You cannot be in relationship with someone else if you are not in correct relationship with yourself. Without emotional clarity, there is no bridge to cross, and you will find yourself feeling lonely even if you spend all day with your partner. The solution is knowing and accepting yourself first, with all of your warts and of course the beauty too.
- Written by David
When driving there’s an area next and behind you in your rearview mirror that you cannot see. It is dangerous, as you run the risk of turning into a car in your blindspot. Sometimes we fall into a similar danger in the way we repeat patterns in our relationships. A relational blindspot is a way of being in relationships that is governed by very old patterns from early relationships. If you find yourself continuing to repeat the same dynamics in relationship after relationship, and failing to maintain a loving connection, then you have relational blindspots. While the danger may not be of a physical nature, the result is often a feeling of alienation and disconnection, not only from others, but also from yourself. The nature of your earliest relationships will color the way you see the world and the way you experience others and yourself.
The child of a narcissistic parent lacks a certain self-awareness because he spent much of his childhood reading the parents' moods and opinions and tailoring himself in the image of the other, the omnipotent parent. In this case, the task in therapy is to help individuals carve out their identity as separate and competent individuals. In order for this to happen, much of the negative internalizations from early relationships need to be explored and understood before they can be transcended.